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Male Box: Metro-What?
Johneen Manning
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We all know one. You may even be dating one. They have slithered egotistically into our lives, and it seems they may be here to stay.
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A few weeks ago, a friend of mine outed himself as a metrosexual.
Metrosexual? I flipped frantically through a mental stack of popular terms: hetero-, bi-, homo-, a-sexual, but alas no definition for metro.
Had I missed a critical lesson in Health 101 somewhere along the way? Maybe this is more information than I need to know, I thought. But at the risk of sounding like a complete moron, I gently prodded and received a nibble of a definition... |  | Intrigue and curiosity pressed me to pursue the matter further. I embarked on a thirsty quest toward familiarizing myself with the marvel of metrosexuality. The reality is, we all know one. You may even be one. They have slithered egotistically into our lives, and it seems they may be here to stay. I won't hazard a guess at how many there actually are out there, but for all you closet metros, slip on your polished Pradas and immaculately-pressed Armani trousers, and abandon the confines of your precious wardrobe. Run free, and let the wind slice through your carefully unkempt locks. Come out in the open with your fellow metros and strut your stuff, full on.
Get in the loop, people. The latest phenomenon to sweep the urban world is that of the metrosexual. The definitions are rich and complex, but generally consistent. Word Spy, Paul McFedries succinctly defines the metrosexual (MET.roh.sek.shoo.ul) as: "A dandyish narcissist in love not only with himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side."
In his feature "I love me so much" in The Scotsman, Jonathan Trew delves a little deeper into the metro-experience: "The only problem facing the metrosexual in an otherwise carefree existence is the inescapable effects of ageing. If 30 is 45 in gay years, then 26 is retirement age for the metrosexual"and no amount of biotechnological rehydrating, whale sperm dermo-care can alter that." | | Although you don't have to be naturally good-looking ot be a convincing metrosexual, it certainly helps. Theoretically, any man can be one. The key is: pay attention - to yourself. |
| Only the originator of the term, Mark Simpson, can truly do it justice as he does in Meet the Metrosexual on Salon.com, a pee-your-pants-funny discourse on this new species of man: "To determine a metrosexual, all you have to do is look at them. In fact, if you're looking at them, they're almost certainly metrosexual."
Metrosexuality is a lifestyle. In its fullest incarnation, it involves more than aesthetics. As with all other modes if living, there are a wide range of actions and behaviors embraced by metrosexuality's depilated arms.
"The typical metrosexual is a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis - because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms, and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference like male vanity products and herpes, they're pretty much everywhere."
Of course, even the metrosexual must periodically pry himself away from the looking glass in order to maintain his crème of the crop status. Every movement has its leaders, and the glamour-boy aura of David Beckham has made him the official poster boy of this narcissistic, vanity-obsessed lifestyle. His coronation has been swift and undeniable.
Beckham exemplifies the perfect marketing tool for proliferating the beau-boy lifestyle: A sports and pop idol admired for his premeditated, "chameleon-esque" beauty and "posh" lifestyle by women and men alike, he wallows in the attention and is unabashed in his extreme metrosexuality.
Other metro-idols include the usual pretty boys such as Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise (when they're not going totally dirt-grunge), and the previously glossy looks of Ben Affleck under the influence of J.Lo. Several unique characters are making their way to the front of the vanity parade, such as the raw sexuality and boyish carefree attitude that lie behind Johnny Knoxville's impeccable smile, and the fuck-you you-attitude of Colin Farrell. Then, of course, there are all those plastic-looking men plastered across the pages of lad mags: Maxim, FHM, GQ, Cargo, the list expands...
But honestly, they're all so obsessed with themselves, each one considers himself the epitome of exquisiteness. Although you don't have to be naturally good-looking to be a convincing metrosexual, it certainly helps. Theoretically, any man can be a metrosexual. The key is: pay attention - to yourself. The more singular that focus is, the truer the metrosexual. |
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